Monday, March 20, 2006


Sometimes people are so hard to understand. Unfortunately, because we're social beings, we're forced to try and understand them. We try to search for the meanings of their actions and we try to search for the appropriate responses to these actions.

Socializing is taking one blind step after another, isn't it?

Case 1

I don't know why he picks on me. He's like a bully only, he's scrawny. Okay, so he doesn't really pick on me. He just nitpicks on almost everything I do.

At least it feels that way.

In retrospect, it's probably because his approval is important to me that I notice his being critical. After all, in some way, he *was* my boss. Also, maybe it's because I'm already feeling hostile towards him, consequently making me think that he's hostile towards me as well.

I did say once that when we don't know how people will react, we often assume that they will react the way we would. Alternately, I suppose, when we are in a bad mood, we view others in a bad light. He makes me feel lousy, so I automatically assume that he is a lousy person and is trying to make me feel bad. Ego trip, much? Maybe he isn't even thinking about me.

Ivan is right, I'm thinking about this too much.

So let's move on...

Case 2

Here's the deal, we're not even close.

He knows very well that I have a boyfriend. I'm not sure if I told him, but I'm pretty sure he's seen Ivan pick me up from class. I'm not exactly shy about showing people that I'm Ivan's and vice-versa. All our groupmates are well aware of this fact...

I think...

Anyway, whenever we chance upon each other online, he sends me an IM. I often find offline messages from him. He sends me messages even when he's in invisible mode (ie. when he's hiding from his friends because he has a lot of work to do). I didn't think he liked me when we were working together on our play. I thought he found me incompetent and annoying as a director. He's a cheerful guy. He has a great disposition, the type who greets anyone he knows with a smile and a happy, "Hi."

I could easily write this off as someone who's just being nice.

I don't know... I'm not attracted to him, so I don't see how I could possibly imagine him being attracted to me. I mean, if we look at it in terms of my theory of reciprocals. "Woman's intuition", Ivan calls it. I instinctively know that he doesn't just "like me", rather he "likes me likes me".

Ahh...weird. It's probably nothing. I just find it strange that he was worried that I was mad at him for no apparent reason, that he notices every little thing about my YM status (my avatar, my status message, the smileys that I use...), that he talks to me about everything under the sun...

He doesn't talk to me much in class.

Agh! Whatever!

I'm rambling. I'm not making sense. I should get back to 171 now...

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