Sunday, July 09, 2006

I suppose it's my fault again

But, that's not new.

I've become used to the feeling of guilt. Regret, too. You had expected me to be there by your side and I wasn't. I tried hard, but your shadow was just too cold and too dark for me. I had to get away. I imagine you didn't notice my leaving until you tried to lean on me only to find that I was gone.

I was supposed to be the pillar of strength of the two of us, wasn't I? The crazy and erratic one, but the stable one nonetheless. You were supposed to just be you: brilliant and peerless in every way. You shouldn't have needed to watch out for anyone because I was supposed to be the one steering them away from your path. You shouldn't have needed to watch your back for the repercussions of your actions, I should have had it.

I was probably not there for you when you needed me most. I truly am sorry for being the coward that I am. I'm just an idiot who's incapable of doing anything right.

But, I suppose, even that's my fault.

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