Sunday, December 24, 2006


**insert long sigh**

It's already the day before Christmas, isn't it?

For some reason, I don't feel all that Christmas-y. It's not the first year this has happened. Last year, it was the same. I wasn't excited, I wasn't overly happy, but I wasn't sad either. I was just the same. Christmas had become just another day for me. The last celebration of the coming of the new year wasn't too different from last Christmas. I felt dull. I was even a little sad. I did a lot of things over the year that I wasn't too proud of, but I knew could never go back to change.

Perhaps it's because I am not anticipating anything anymore that I don't feel anything. Maybe it's because there is nothing that I want strongly. Sometimes, I feel that I have settled into my life. I'm not exactly satisfied, but I have come to accept my life as it is.

I've always seen Christmas and the coming of the new year both as celebrations of hope for things to come. Now, as I stop looking into the future and anticipating what is to come, they're just red letter days on my calendar.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

PdLR's Thought for the Day

Unrequited love is a lot less painful than reciprocated love that can never happen.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

PdLR's Thought for the Day

When arguing with someone, make sure that you're talking to convince that person and not yourself.

Sunday, December 10, 2006

My Seduction Style?

Holding On

If you love someone, set him free and wish only for his happiness.

It's a theme that's as used and abused as a theme could get. When I was younger, I thought I understood it well, now it feels so unreal and impossible. Because, it says that if I truly am in love, I should be able to do those things: set him free and wish for his happiness.

I wonder now, do I truly love that person? If I do, why can't I let go? I hold on to him so tightly that my fingers dig into his skin and my grip suffocates him. I've been doing so for the last five years. And, in the same way I hold onto him, I hold onto the dream that we can have our own "happily ever after" together. Lately, I feel them being crushed in my grasp, and still I can't let go. And my greatest fear is their little pieces would one day slip through my fingers like sand.

Old Infinite Insanity Description

I'm posting it here for posterity.
(stole the smiley from here)
From the ashes of a glorious but slowly fading past
Burns the hungry flame of a passionate today.
Rising up from the muck of what weighs it down
It reaches up to the infinity of the cosmos
A beacon to the children lost in the dark
Lending warmth to the bitter and cold of heart
It lights the way to the countless possibilities of a glorious tomorrow
Slowly fading into view

It's actually a poem dedicated to UPPA. I wrote it right after the tambayan was burnt to a delicious black crisp. But... since we're back there now, I suppose the memory of it doesn't sting as much.