**insert long sigh**
It's already the day before Christmas, isn't it?
For some reason, I don't feel all that Christmas-y. It's not the first year this has happened. Last year, it was the same. I wasn't excited, I wasn't overly happy, but I wasn't sad either. I was just the same. Christmas had become just another day for me. The last celebration of the coming of the new year wasn't too different from last Christmas. I felt dull. I was even a little sad. I did a lot of things over the year that I wasn't too proud of, but I knew could never go back to change.
Perhaps it's because I am not anticipating anything anymore that I don't feel anything. Maybe it's because there is nothing that I want strongly. Sometimes, I feel that I have settled into my life. I'm not exactly satisfied, but I have come to accept my life as it is.
I've always seen Christmas and the coming of the new year both as celebrations of hope for things to come. Now, as I stop looking into the future and anticipating what is to come, they're just red letter days on my calendar.