Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Defeated

No one can say I didn't fight to the last moment. It's currently 5:30 am in the morning of the day of the thesis draft deadline and I haven't slept a wink all night. Ironically, I barely wrote a word because I spent the night debugging. I didn't even give myself time to freak out when I realized my results were incomplete. Ok, so maybe I didn't do everything in my power to finish my draft or fix my program, else I wouldn't have rested a couple of hours with a comic book or gone book shopping. I suppose I knew since the original draft deadline arrived--and I had little more than squat written, exams and reports due, and the (long bleep)NIP APIS to deal with--that I couldn't possibly finish this on time. There were far too many things to do and I had neither the drive nor the energy to finish all of them...

...and everyone was so sure for me. That's what bothered me the most these past few weeks. Part of me acknowledges that other people's expectation that I would be graduating this semester was the only reason I pushed myself up to this point.

I will continue to write my thesis throughout the day, and I will continue to review my program to see what's going wrong. But, I don't think people would blame me if I chose to shed a few tears before getting back to work.

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