Sunday, February 18, 2007

Despondence

Some of the most painful words I've ever heard in my life were,

"You're selfish. You don't think of anyone else."

Thing is, I always said that to myself. I never really heard it from anyone else, probably due to Filipino politesse that requires as little honesty as possible, and all that crap. Whenever I reminded myself of that, it hurt. But when the person who so often reassured me that I wasn't as awful as I thought threw those words at me--albeit, not in such blunt phrasing--it felt as if my heart was being torn out. And the human body, being such a wretched thing,hid the initial pain behind a mass of shock and a series of defense mechanisms. I didn't realize the damage so short a statement could cause until it was too late and I no longer knew how to bring things back to how they were. The full blow only struck me when I stopped to think about it.

And the most painful part is I knew that person was right; and I don't have the heart to either defend myself and take things back.

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