Sunday, April 29, 2007

Wish

I wonder if my wishes are too complicated or too impossible to fulfill or if this is just God's way of telling me that there are some things that are just not meant to be.

We Catholics have so many superstitions, one being that visiting a new church warrants you a wish from the patron of that church. I wished for the same thing over and over again with every new church I ended up in over the past eight days. As I stood in front of the Trevi fountain earlier tonight, my fingers clutching tightly on a small coin and praying for the same thing to come true, I began to wonder what I was doing wrong. I wondered long and hard if it was worth it: to wish again and to be disappointed again.

And then I threw the coin over my shoulder.

I don't even know if it touched the bottom of the fountain, but, to be honest, I've given up hoping. It doesn't matter anymore whether you're crawling on the dirt or soaring in the sky.

Just pick yourself up and move on.

(Yeah, I know, ambiguity sucks, but bear with me. I've been a bit down for a while now. =) )

Thursday, April 19, 2007

We Were Lovers, OST Gankutsuou

Harsh words were said
and lies were told instead.
I didn't ever mean to make you cry.
But love can make us weak and make us strong,
and before too very long.
I was totally in love with you.
I bathed in you.
Lost in you, captivated by you.
Amazed by you, dazed by you.
Nothing can go wrong.
Nothing can go wrong.

So tonight I'll sing
a song to all my friends.
Also to those we won't be seeing again.
To those I knew and those I still adore
and I want to see once more.
I just pray that you will love me
and trust me.
Laugh with me and cry with me
spend those silent times with me.
Love me evermore.
Love me evermore.

You and I were lovers.
Our dreams were not soured by life.
And then my friends betrayed me
meant you never would be my wife.

Harsh words were said
and lies were told instead.
I didn't ever mean to make you cry.
But love can make us weak and make us strong,
and before too very long.
I was totally in love with you.
I bathed in you.
Lost in you, captivated by you.
Amazed by you, dazed by you.
Nothing can go wrong.
Nothing can go wrong.
Nothing can go wrong.

-

I like the song, It's as simple as that.

Saturday, April 14, 2007

A title for your thoughts

The difference between a journal and blogging is the title bar. Every time I see that field labeled "title", I feel compelled to make one up. My mother's father likes titles. He wants me to become a doctor, if only for the title. Most of my stories have lousy titles, because grouping together a bunch of words to form a teasing phrase that describes my thoughts has never been a forte of mine. I don't like titles. I've been given many titles in my life--phrases that try to describe my very being. But what do they know?

What do I know?

My thoughts are often too disjoint to form into one coherent text that can be given a title. My personality is just the same. How do you describe such scattered fragments with so few words? I wonder how artists do that. Maybe it's because they created the disarray themselves that they know what the title should be.

Perhaps God has a title for me.

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

SCORPIO - The Addict

I picked this up at Friendster. Again, one of those things that made me laugh. Cut and paste crap, but I had fun reading.

Now, what exactly happened to Sagittarius in the Friendster list, I have no idea. I had to Google it to find it.

-

SAGITTARIUS - The Promiscuous One

Spontaneous. High appeal. Rare to find. Great when found. Loves being in long relationships. So much love to give. Not one to mess with. Very pretty. Very romantic. Nice to everyone They meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, fun and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person you will ever meet! Amazing in the you know where..!!! Not the kind of person you wanna mess with- you might end up crying.

VIRGO - The One that Waits

Dominant in relationships. Someone loves them right now. Always wants the last word. Caring. Smart. Loud. Loyal. Easy to talk to. Everything you ever wanted. Easy to please. The one and only.

SCORPIO - The Addict

EXTREMELY adorable. Intelligent. Loves to joke. Very Good sense of humor. Energetic. Predict future. GREAT kisser. Always get what they want. Attractive. Easy going. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. Romantic. Caring.

LIBRA - The Lame One

Nice to everyone they meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, fun and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person you will ever meet! However not the kind of person you wanna mess with ... you might end up crying...

ARIES - The Liar

Outgoing. Lovable. Spontaneous. Not one to mess with. Funny. Excellent kisser EXTREMELY adorable. Loves relationships, Addictive. Loud.

AQUARIUS - Does It In The Water

Trustworthy. Attractive. Great kisser. One of a kind. Loves being in long-term relationships. Extremely energetic. Unpredictable. Will exceed your expectations. Not a Fighter, But will Knock your lights out.

GEMINI - Irresistible

Nice. Love is one of a kind. Great listeners Very Good in the you know where... Lover not a fighter, but will still knock you out. Trustworthy. Always happy. Loud. Talkative. Outgoing. VERY FORGIVING. Loves to make out. Has a beautiful smile. Generous. Strong. THE MOST IRRESISTIBLE.

LEO - The Lion

Great talker. Attractive and passionate. Laid back. Knows how to have fun. Is really good at almost anything. Great kisser. Unpredictable. Outgoing. Down to earth. Addictive. Attractive. Loud. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. Not one to mess with. Rare to find. Good when
found.

CANCER - The Cutie

MOST AMAZING KISSER. Very high appeal. Love is one of a kind. Very romantic. Most caring person you will ever meet! Entirely creative. Extremely random and proud of it. Freak. Spontaneous. Great telling stories. Not a Fighter, But will Knock your lights out if it comes down to it. Someone you should hold on to.

PISCES - The Partner for Life

Caring and kind. Smart. Center of attention. High appeal. Has the last word. Good to find, hard to keep. Fun to be around.Extremely weird but in a good way. Good Sense of Humor!!! Thoughtful. Always gets what he or she wants. Loves to joke. Very popular. Silly, fun and sweet.

CAPRICORN - The Passionate Lover

Love to bust. Nice. Sassy. Intelligent. Sexy. Predict future. Irresistible. Loves being in long relationships. Great talker. Always gets what he or she wants. Cool. Loves to own Geminis in sports. Extremely fun. Loves to joke. Smart.

TAURUS - The Tramp

Aggressive. Loves being in long relationships. Likes to give a good fight for what they want. Extremely outgoing. Loves to help people in times of need. Good kisser. Good personality. Stubborn. A caring person. One of a kind. Not one to mess with.

One Year

"525,600 minutes, 525,000 moments so dear.
525,600 minutes - how do you measure, measure a year?
In daylights, in sunsets,
in midnights, in cups of coffee.
In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife.
In 525,600 minutes - how do you
measure a year in the life?"
- "Seasons of Love" from Rent
At about this time, last year, I was saying goodbye in so many words to so many people. So much has changed since then.

If we measured that year in daylights and sunsets and midnights and cups of coffee, the past year would be the same as so many others. it had the same number of days, hours, minutes as the years that have come before it and as the years of everyone else.

If we measure the past year in terms of the inches and miles traveled, the year was much shorter for me than for many of the people surrounding me. That is the beauty of a turning point, you travel a certain amount of distance in terms of experience without really going anywhere, but you know you're heading in a whole new direction.

If we use laughter and strife, this year was a bit more difficult for me than most, but it was extremely difficult for so many others. The year was long because I walked alongside those who experienced true laughter and true strife, but I had none of my own--at least nothing new.

So, I begin to wonder when my year will be the same as the years of those around me. Then, at that time, perhaps I won't feel so left behind.

Monday, April 02, 2007

Justifiably Unfair

Life is such an odd place to be in.

It's so blatantly unfair. It's so cruel.

And yet, because it is unfair and cruel in so many different ways, it's only just that it is so.