Wednesday, May 16, 2007

The Ultimate Yaoi-Level Selector Quiz!

I figured I needed to post something lighter before the month ends.

*Reviews this month's angst*

Yeah, I definitely need to post some nonsense. At the rate things are going, I'm beginning to think that if I look back on my writings ten years from now, my thoughts would be, "Whoa...now, why didn't I kill myself again? Oh yeah..."

Well, angst is angst, but let's write something funny.

-

I was having a conversation with someone (oh, you know who you are) last night and ended up with the most wrong yaoi-ness thoughts in my head. So, after going back to the Ultimate Yaoi-Level Selector Quiz Results I began to apply the results to some of my friends. So, to be discreet, I will use colors to describe the guys and see how they will pair up.

(This is the part where I burst out laughing and fall of my chair.)

*ahem*

So, White is a Gentleman, which is 75% seme. Pink is Nature's Mistake, which is -80% seme. Yellow is a Housekeeping Uke, which is -90% seme and Brown is The One in Complete Control, which is 200% seme. Red is, well, Not Yaoi at all. That said, we get the idealized pairings:
  • White may be paired with both Pink and Yellow, which I find a bit funny.
  • Brown can have any of the other three, but should really teach Red a thing or two. Or maybe White should do that, being the gentler of the two semes...
Now, if you want to know what a seme is, click here, and if you want to know what an uke is, click here. The uke link is a bit more helpful. But, anyway, if you think you're one of the guys listed above, don't bother clicking these links if you know what's good for you.

*blinks*

Y' know, this post just seriously disturbed me, but what the hell?

(This is the part where I tell myself to go to bed and sleep because lack of things to do has driven me insane.)

Friday, May 11, 2007

Shallow Pride

This is stupid, but I needed to write it down, anyway.

I've never considered myself a good writer. A passable one, sure, but a good one? No, never. The thing I prided myself most about was my imagination and ability to conjure stories that I could fit into any fandom. I enjoy writing these plots out and receiving some kind of acknowledgment that whatever crap I come up with made someone else happy.

I can't believe not getting reviews is upsetting me so much.

I've never been a good student. Gods... none of my high school teachers would ever describe me as a good student. I was a passable student, after all, I got to college, didn't I? But I was not a good student. I don't like the structured learning of school where you are forced to learn at someone else's pace at someone else's time. What I prided myself to be was a good learner. I enjoy learning new things, I am inspired by new concepts, I enjoy sharing that knowledge.

I can't believe my GWA is upsetting me even more than usual.

I've never seen myself as a good person. No, I'm an okay person. I'm not outrightly evil, but I'm no saint, either. My friends may describe me as a good person, but, damn it, I'm as selfish and self-centered as they come. And, quite frankly, I don't deserve more than half the praise. The only aspect of me I have always been proud of is my compassion. I could feel someone's pain and empathize. I enjoy the feeling of having made a person smile or allowed a person cry on my shoulder.


This, that I am upset because I seem to have lost feeling and care, I can believe.

Monday, May 07, 2007

Elegy and Angsty Ukes

While watching Animax the other day, I heard a song called "Elegy" by Ken Hirai. There was something about that song that seemed to speak to me. It was strange because despite the fact that I couldn't understand the lyrics, it made something inside me stir. It stayed in my head even as I lay in bed that night. I don't understand Japanese. Yes, contrary to popular belief, I can't understand a word of it.

But that song... it felt like something that I would sing to you.

Never mind that neither of us spoke Japanese, the emotion it evoked in me was enough.

-

Last night I took the Ultimate Yaoi-level Selector quiz in Quizilla for fun. My result was Angsty Uke. I laughed so hard when I found out because *points at the blog description* and because I've always known I wasn't meant to top. I'm too emotionally unstable.

-

Now, what's the relationship between these two things? I looked up the lyrics of Elegy earlier today and discovered what the lyrics meant. It turns out that it's a love song written from a woman's perspective. It's a song of surrender. It's a song of urgency. It's also a song of the sad uncertainty of tomorrow.
I’ll dirty you with my hands, with my hands
And drown in you again and again, again and again
Our two backs together gives me anxiety and happiness
That comes in waves, penetrating me
If this love’s going to die someday
Tear me apart now with your love

That's part of the song. Go figure. It's translated Japanese, so it's not supposed to make a lot of sense upfront and without a little thought. But, as with all sad love songs, if you're in love, you can relate to them. I just found it weird that I related to it so well before understanding the words.

Saturday, May 05, 2007

Disappear for a while...

...I did that on purpose.

People don't really notice that you've been gone until you come back; unless, they know you're going, of course.