It's sometimes not a good idea to analyze things to the point that they stop making sense.
Friday, November 24, 2006
PdLR's Thought for the Day
Matters of Perspective
As Hasmin and I walked back towards NIP from our logbook shopping spree, she related to me her version of a story long discussed by the Katipips. I recognized the events she spoke of with little effort, but the meaning of everything seemed skewed and out of order. I began to wonder how people really saw me. I wondered if what I saw whenever I looked at people was as distinctly different from how they saw themselves. As she ended her tale I came to a conclusion.
"The view from outside is so different," I said wistfully and not without regret.As the wind blew, a rain of leaves fell from the trees. And just as I admired their happy dance as they made their way to the cold earth; I couldn't help but wonder whether the tree was crying in longing or its remaining leaves were shivering in fear at the same sight.
Thursday, November 23, 2006
PdLR's Thought for the Day
Restatement of Murphy's Law:
"We rarely notice how unfair the world is until it becomes unfair in someone else's favor."
Randomness: Some thoughts from last night
My cousin sent me this message last night:
---
When it comes to dealing with getting hurt repeatedly, there are two extremes: developing an immunity towards it and compounding hurts on each other to produce a pain greater than the sum of its predecessor parts. The problem with not feeling the pain anymore is that there is no way to gauge the damage being done. The problem with feeling all the pain and then some is it consumes you to the point that you don't know which way is up.
Somebody once asked me, "How do you hold love?"But, does it really follow? Can you really equate loving a person other than yourself to feeling pain?
I answered, "With your hands wide open, your palms facing up, and with your heart ready to let go and let the other grow."
And that somebody asked again, "What if it hurts you?"
I smiled wistfully and replied, "Then, it means you're doing it right."
---
When it comes to dealing with getting hurt repeatedly, there are two extremes: developing an immunity towards it and compounding hurts on each other to produce a pain greater than the sum of its predecessor parts. The problem with not feeling the pain anymore is that there is no way to gauge the damage being done. The problem with feeling all the pain and then some is it consumes you to the point that you don't know which way is up.
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Funny...
The annoying thing about UP's Net Nanny
I'm working on my assignment for Bio 12. The research is about embryogenesis, you know, how a zygote develops into a fetus. One topic is about gastrulation, the process of forming a gastrula from a blastula. There is a process under gastrulation called "invagination". The thing is, I can't access the wikipedia site for Invagination because it is a "porn_expression" (read: vagina). I mean, come on, what self respecting porn site maker would use the word "vagina" on their website? More often than not, the words used are less, I don't know, scientific. I'm not even sure if half of the perverts in the world know the term!
Okay, that's an exaggeration. I imagine that most of the perverts in the world had elementary health class.
I suppose it's excusable. UP's just doing what should be done about preventing the use of their networks for "non-academic matters". Now, the irony of the whole thing is, I can access the wikipedia sites of porn stars like Maria Ozawa and Miko Lee.
I'm working on my assignment for Bio 12. The research is about embryogenesis, you know, how a zygote develops into a fetus. One topic is about gastrulation, the process of forming a gastrula from a blastula. There is a process under gastrulation called "invagination". The thing is, I can't access the wikipedia site for Invagination because it is a "porn_expression" (read: vagina). I mean, come on, what self respecting porn site maker would use the word "vagina" on their website? More often than not, the words used are less, I don't know, scientific. I'm not even sure if half of the perverts in the world know the term!
Okay, that's an exaggeration. I imagine that most of the perverts in the world had elementary health class.
I suppose it's excusable. UP's just doing what should be done about preventing the use of their networks for "non-academic matters". Now, the irony of the whole thing is, I can access the wikipedia sites of porn stars like Maria Ozawa and Miko Lee.
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Melting
"I went through all that trouble trying to see what kind of reaction I would get from you...I just wanted to see if I could make you melt. Even a little bit."
And just like that--in less than a minute of cartoon airtime--the emotions that I tried so hard to sort out all night long were summarized so neatly.
- Ayu Yamada from "Honey and Clover"
And just like that--in less than a minute of cartoon airtime--the emotions that I tried so hard to sort out all night long were summarized so neatly.
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Unfinished Chapters
Whenever I write a story, my audience expects a certain "terminal result".
And, no, it's not the quintessential happy ending. They're more used to my angst-ridden conclusions than anything else. Like Donnabelle, I rarely write when I'm happy so I rarely write happy stories with fluffy endings.
But, that's not the point of this entry. The point of this entry is that most people would prefer that the story they began reading be not open ended. Similarly, in life, most people would rather that the plot twists and conflicts in their lives not remain unresolved.
There are two unresolved chapters in my love life. I have a particular ending that I'm gunning for. The ending I want to happen is far from painless, but at least, most conclusive.
And, no, it's not the quintessential happy ending. They're more used to my angst-ridden conclusions than anything else. Like Donnabelle, I rarely write when I'm happy so I rarely write happy stories with fluffy endings.
But, that's not the point of this entry. The point of this entry is that most people would prefer that the story they began reading be not open ended. Similarly, in life, most people would rather that the plot twists and conflicts in their lives not remain unresolved.
There are two unresolved chapters in my love life. I have a particular ending that I'm gunning for. The ending I want to happen is far from painless, but at least, most conclusive.
Sunday, September 24, 2006
No Win Situation
This is the first time in my life that this has happened: that two of my principles conflicted with each other.
I never realized that was possible, that my sense of duty for one thing would go against my sense of duty for another. In this situation, I don't really want to explain myself. I don't see the point. As I thought things through yesterday afternoon, I knew that whichever way I went, no outcome would be pleasing. I knew that no matter what I did, I would still be wracked with guilt and some sense of responsibility afterwards.
Both parties trusted me. I just went with the group that had no real offense.
While everyone tells me that I had no fault in the matter, the truth is, I am well aware that I let things happen the way they did. I am not solely responsible, but I am not free from responsibility. They say that I'm overthinking things, but the fact of the matter is, I didn't have to think much to feel guilty.
There is a line in House that made me think: "You can't control your emotions, only your actions." I wanted to say that yesterday, but I didn't want to expect something like that from someone else when I myself couldn't accomplish it. This is my last real semester in UPPA, I wanted so bad to ensure its future. I shouldn't have gotten involved, and yet I did, and by the looks on everyone's faces as they went home last night, it's quite obvious how badly I messed up.
I never realized that was possible, that my sense of duty for one thing would go against my sense of duty for another. In this situation, I don't really want to explain myself. I don't see the point. As I thought things through yesterday afternoon, I knew that whichever way I went, no outcome would be pleasing. I knew that no matter what I did, I would still be wracked with guilt and some sense of responsibility afterwards.
Both parties trusted me. I just went with the group that had no real offense.
While everyone tells me that I had no fault in the matter, the truth is, I am well aware that I let things happen the way they did. I am not solely responsible, but I am not free from responsibility. They say that I'm overthinking things, but the fact of the matter is, I didn't have to think much to feel guilty.
There is a line in House that made me think: "You can't control your emotions, only your actions." I wanted to say that yesterday, but I didn't want to expect something like that from someone else when I myself couldn't accomplish it. This is my last real semester in UPPA, I wanted so bad to ensure its future. I shouldn't have gotten involved, and yet I did, and by the looks on everyone's faces as they went home last night, it's quite obvious how badly I messed up.
Friday, September 22, 2006
Flipside: It's not easy to be loved
I'm used to developing unrequited feelings.
I always thought that it was much easier to be on the receiving end , because how difficult could it be to be loved? If the other person did not love me back, they shouldn't be affected by how I felt, right?
I lost one of my dearest friends--and, consequently, the first person I ever had romantic feelings for--because of this mentality. We were really close back then so I was well aware that he didn't see me that way. I was the one feeling the pain of rejection (not quite outright, but it was still the case) and he was causing it. I didn't see how he could be in pain, himself.
It turns out, the laws of action and reaction work in these cases as well. Especially when the dynamic happens between good friends.
Back to the present, it was a rather perplexed revelation that forced me to see things in retrospect. While looking for ways to comfort him, I was made to draw from my own experiences as someone who was on the "unrequited" end. It then dawned on me that in his case, both ends were, in a way, unrequited. Her love was unrequited, that one was clear. On the other hand, his friendship was unrequited as well. Sure, she was willing to be friends with him, but not without consequence to him. Interestingly enough, there was also a mutual rejection. While he rejected her feelings for him, she was rejecting what he was.
I was guilty of that with him.
In the same way he couldn't accept the love I had to give him, I couldn't accept that he would still tell me about the girls (not me) he liked, be caring and sweet as he had always been. Everytime he was himself, he was hurting me by showing me what I was missing. Everytime he treated me as the friend that I was to him, he was making me hope for something that should have been long decided to be unreachable.
I didn't realize how much I was demanding from him until it was too late.
I guess it's not just the girls who find it difficult to turn down those who're courting them.
I'm not sure how well I understand both ends of the spectrum. I'm even more uncertain of how well I explained it to him. But, the bottom line is, while it is difficult to love someone who doesn't love you back; it's equally difficult to care for someone who loves you, but you don't love back.
I always thought that it was much easier to be on the receiving end , because how difficult could it be to be loved? If the other person did not love me back, they shouldn't be affected by how I felt, right?
I lost one of my dearest friends--and, consequently, the first person I ever had romantic feelings for--because of this mentality. We were really close back then so I was well aware that he didn't see me that way. I was the one feeling the pain of rejection (not quite outright, but it was still the case) and he was causing it. I didn't see how he could be in pain, himself.
It turns out, the laws of action and reaction work in these cases as well. Especially when the dynamic happens between good friends.
Back to the present, it was a rather perplexed revelation that forced me to see things in retrospect. While looking for ways to comfort him, I was made to draw from my own experiences as someone who was on the "unrequited" end. It then dawned on me that in his case, both ends were, in a way, unrequited. Her love was unrequited, that one was clear. On the other hand, his friendship was unrequited as well. Sure, she was willing to be friends with him, but not without consequence to him. Interestingly enough, there was also a mutual rejection. While he rejected her feelings for him, she was rejecting what he was.
I was guilty of that with him.
In the same way he couldn't accept the love I had to give him, I couldn't accept that he would still tell me about the girls (not me) he liked, be caring and sweet as he had always been. Everytime he was himself, he was hurting me by showing me what I was missing. Everytime he treated me as the friend that I was to him, he was making me hope for something that should have been long decided to be unreachable.
I didn't realize how much I was demanding from him until it was too late.
I guess it's not just the girls who find it difficult to turn down those who're courting them.
I'm not sure how well I understand both ends of the spectrum. I'm even more uncertain of how well I explained it to him. But, the bottom line is, while it is difficult to love someone who doesn't love you back; it's equally difficult to care for someone who loves you, but you don't love back.
Sunday, September 17, 2006
Sweet Dreams (Are Made of These)
Annie Lennox
Sweet dreams are made of these
Who am I to disagree?
I travel the world
And the seven seas
Everybody's looking for something.
Some of them want to use you
Some of them want to get used by you
Some of them want to abuse you
Some of them want to be abused.
-
The song's stuck in my head. I think it has something to do with one of the lifestyle network's commercials. Or perhaps it has something to do with a blog entry I recently read.
Sweet dreams are made of these
Who am I to disagree?
I travel the world
And the seven seas
Everybody's looking for something.
Some of them want to use you
Some of them want to get used by you
Some of them want to abuse you
Some of them want to be abused.
-
The song's stuck in my head. I think it has something to do with one of the lifestyle network's commercials. Or perhaps it has something to do with a blog entry I recently read.
Six Random Facts About Me
Was tagged by The OC
Once tagged by this entry, write a blog entry of some kind with six random facts about yourself. In the end of it, pick six of your friends and tag them! (No tag backs). This explanation must be included, of course.
That said, let's get it on!
Hoookaaaay...
Okay, now for the tagging part. Ma-Anne, Ligaya, Kay, Rainstruck, baregoddess, and Steph, I choose you!
Once tagged by this entry, write a blog entry of some kind with six random facts about yourself. In the end of it, pick six of your friends and tag them! (No tag backs). This explanation must be included, of course.
That said, let's get it on!
Hoookaaaay...
- I hate speaking in front of an audience. I'm usually so terrified that I end up making a complete fool of myself.
- I have unnaturally low blood pressure. My "normal" blood pressure is about 90/70, or something like that. I think it runs in the family, because my mom has low blood pressure, as well.
- The first (non-family) person to kiss me on the lips was a girl. It happened right before our IPS (Introduction to Physical Science) class in our first year of high school. Oh, gawds...no, I wasn't expecting it... I didn't like her in that way... I didn't like it... it was FREAKY!!! And, I don't know why she did it, either.
- I am officially a yaoi fangirl. I don't fangirl yaoi couples beyond anime, though. While I'm very open to the idea of gay couples, guy on guy still kinda freaks me out. Oh, and, of course, it should go without saying that I'm an anime/manga-addict as well.
- Contrary to popular belief, I do drive over 100 kph. I just don't do it too often. I don't drive that fast when I'm with other people, cause chances are, I would be talking to said other people and would, therefore, be distracted.
- I like long passwords. Eheheh... couldn't think of anything else. Edit:It's difficult for me to fall in love, but at the same time, it's also difficult for me to get over the one I have learned to love. Took a cue from Bei's blog. I found this fact 6 a bit corny.
Okay, now for the tagging part. Ma-Anne, Ligaya, Kay, Rainstruck, baregoddess, and Steph, I choose you!
Monday, September 11, 2006
...MIddle of the Night...
I was awakened by one dang freaky dream.
I hate it when that happens.
I like dreaming just fine. Dreams are fun things to have given that they're not too scary. This one was scary.
Grrrrgh... now I can't go back to sleep. Oh well, might as well do my Chem lab report...
I hate it when that happens.
I like dreaming just fine. Dreams are fun things to have given that they're not too scary. This one was scary.
Grrrrgh... now I can't go back to sleep. Oh well, might as well do my Chem lab report...
Friday, September 08, 2006
Randomness
Taking a short break after fixing up my lab workstation and before running up to the second floor for Physics 141...
Hey, today is the 8th of September... It's Mama Mary's birthday. The guy in church said that it's a holiday of obligation, I always thought the holiday of obligation was the 8th of December (Immaculate Concepcion). Well, it looks like I won't be able to hear mass, anyway.
Come to think of it, today should also be the deadline for the "Camera Ready Manuscripts" and "One-Page Extended Abstract" for our SPP paper. Where's the acceptance notice? (Wahahahah... I'm actually expecting one. How funny.)
----------
Still feeling sick. No, scratch that, I'm feeling S.I.C.K. Damn antibiotics are making me nauseous. How can something that's supposed to cure you make you feel so messed up?
----------
Heheh... Ivan oozes mmm-smex in that shirt he so affectionately calls his "callboy shirt". Why'd I have to have all these Catholic sensibilities that are making me oh-so-guilty for being human?
----------
Rene and I chatted for a short while this afternoon after I helped Micielle install Ubuntu to her workstation. He seems real happy with his job.
I wish I graduated on time...
----------
Thinking Ivan is sexy...
----------
Must go to class...
----------
Too lazy...
----------
Mmm....
Ivan... XD
....Must go.... Physics 141....
...going now....
Hey, today is the 8th of September... It's Mama Mary's birthday. The guy in church said that it's a holiday of obligation, I always thought the holiday of obligation was the 8th of December (Immaculate Concepcion). Well, it looks like I won't be able to hear mass, anyway.
Come to think of it, today should also be the deadline for the "Camera Ready Manuscripts" and "One-Page Extended Abstract" for our SPP paper. Where's the acceptance notice? (Wahahahah... I'm actually expecting one. How funny.)
----------
Still feeling sick. No, scratch that, I'm feeling S.I.C.K. Damn antibiotics are making me nauseous. How can something that's supposed to cure you make you feel so messed up?
----------
Heheh... Ivan oozes mmm-smex in that shirt he so affectionately calls his "callboy shirt". Why'd I have to have all these Catholic sensibilities that are making me oh-so-guilty for being human?
----------
Rene and I chatted for a short while this afternoon after I helped Micielle install Ubuntu to her workstation. He seems real happy with his job.
I wish I graduated on time...
----------
Thinking Ivan is sexy...
----------
Must go to class...
----------
Too lazy...
----------
Mmm....
Ivan... XD
....Must go.... Physics 141....
...going now....
Sunday, August 20, 2006
20 Random Thoughts about Today
Warning: I've been feeling very insecure lately, so I'm pretty sure this will not be a happy post.
- I really really really wish guys could feel the pain of dismenorrhea and the intense mood swings that come pre-, con-, and post-period.
- Then again, I suppose, the pain of dealing with a hyper-sensitive and irritable wife/girlfriend/friend/daughter who has her period is painful enough.
- Sometimes I wish I actually was just bumming around so I'd have an excuse for not getting anywhere.
- I am slowly but surely developing a strong hatred for TV commercials about beauty products.
- Ditto for clothes ads on billboards that just make you want to ram your car into its post and die cause you're not as perfect as the model on it.
- Cold weather really does make you horny.
- I want a do over for the rhumba and tango I danced with Ivan.
- I wonder how I can con _ t _ _ _, _ _ n _ _, _ _ l _ _, _ _ a _ _ _, and _ _ _ e into auditioning for Philippine Idol...
- I wonder if I should join them for fun?Eh, no, maybe not. Wouldn't want to end up on the growing list of people who wrongly think Terpsichore touched them and gifted them with her talent.
- I miss writing. I hope this writer's block goes away soon.
- Phenol is a very dangerous chemical. It should be kept away from sleep-deprived students who space out while performing Chem experiments.
- On that note, all sleep-deprived students should be deemed hazardous and be barred from the Chem labs.
- Then again, that would mean no one would be allowed to attend Chem anymore. Not that that's a completely bad thing.
- I should always keep a stock of dark chocolate in the fridge for days like this. Cuddlebunnies.
- "Cuddlebunnies" is not a real word (and doesn't really mean anything).
- Neither is "snicker-doodle".
- But fiddlesticks is.
- The newly opened SM Hypermarket is so crowded and has everything. It's like Costco or Price Mart.
- I miss a lot of people, but I have no intentions of attending any reunion of any sort anytime soon.
- I should go out and get some self-esteem. Maybe SM Hypermarket has some.
Quote for the Day: "Go ahead, kick me. Can't you see I'm still standing?"
Sunday, July 09, 2006
PdLR's Thought for the Day
It's strange how some people forget that other people can feel emotions other than love.
I suppose it's my fault again
But, that's not new.
I've become used to the feeling of guilt. Regret, too. You had expected me to be there by your side and I wasn't. I tried hard, but your shadow was just too cold and too dark for me. I had to get away. I imagine you didn't notice my leaving until you tried to lean on me only to find that I was gone.
I was supposed to be the pillar of strength of the two of us, wasn't I? The crazy and erratic one, but the stable one nonetheless. You were supposed to just be you: brilliant and peerless in every way. You shouldn't have needed to watch out for anyone because I was supposed to be the one steering them away from your path. You shouldn't have needed to watch your back for the repercussions of your actions, I should have had it.
I was probably not there for you when you needed me most. I truly am sorry for being the coward that I am. I'm just an idiot who's incapable of doing anything right.
But, I suppose, even that's my fault.
I've become used to the feeling of guilt. Regret, too. You had expected me to be there by your side and I wasn't. I tried hard, but your shadow was just too cold and too dark for me. I had to get away. I imagine you didn't notice my leaving until you tried to lean on me only to find that I was gone.
I was supposed to be the pillar of strength of the two of us, wasn't I? The crazy and erratic one, but the stable one nonetheless. You were supposed to just be you: brilliant and peerless in every way. You shouldn't have needed to watch out for anyone because I was supposed to be the one steering them away from your path. You shouldn't have needed to watch your back for the repercussions of your actions, I should have had it.
I was probably not there for you when you needed me most. I truly am sorry for being the coward that I am. I'm just an idiot who's incapable of doing anything right.
But, I suppose, even that's my fault.
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
Para Sa Akin by Sitti
I wish I could say this to you...
Kung ika'y magiging akin
Di ka na muling luluha pa
Pangakong di ka lolokohin
Ng puso kong nagmamahal
Kung ako ay papalarin
Na ako'y iyong mahal na rin
Pangakong ikaw lang ang iibigin
Magpakailanman
Di kita pipilitin
Sundin mo ang iyong damdamin
Hayaan na lang tumibok ang puso mo
Para sa akin
Kung ako ay mamalasin
At mayroon ka nang ibang mahal
Ngunit patuloy ang aking pagibig
Magpakailanman
Di kita pipilitin
Sundin mo ang iyong damdamin
Hayaan na lang tumibok ang puso mo
Para sa akin
Di kita pipilitin
Sundin mo ang iyong damdamin
Hayaan na lang lumipad ang puso mo
Para sa akin
Para sa akin
Kung ika'y magiging akin
Di ka na muling luluha pa
Pangakong di ka lolokohin
Ng puso kong nagmamahal
Kung ako ay papalarin
Na ako'y iyong mahal na rin
Pangakong ikaw lang ang iibigin
Magpakailanman
Di kita pipilitin
Sundin mo ang iyong damdamin
Hayaan na lang tumibok ang puso mo
Para sa akin
Kung ako ay mamalasin
At mayroon ka nang ibang mahal
Ngunit patuloy ang aking pagibig
Magpakailanman
Di kita pipilitin
Sundin mo ang iyong damdamin
Hayaan na lang tumibok ang puso mo
Para sa akin
Di kita pipilitin
Sundin mo ang iyong damdamin
Hayaan na lang lumipad ang puso mo
Para sa akin
Para sa akin
Saturday, July 01, 2006
Thursday, June 29, 2006
What does my birth month mean?
| Your Birth Month is November |
 Tolerant and inspirational, you are wise beyond your years. You are universally sympathetic and a great humanitarian. Your soul reflects: Compassion, friendship, and secret love Your gemstone: Citrine Your flower: Chrysanthemum Your colors: Dark blue, red, and yellow |
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
