The Melancholy of Ma'am Kristine: On Looking Down

I have a strange obsession whenever I'm staring out of high windows or looking down from a high place: I always feel like throwing something at the people below me.

Why?

It's mostly because I want them to look up. I want them to realize that I can see them. I want them to realize that even if they are alone on the street, I'm watching them from above. We all have a tendency to limit ourselves to what we consider to be "our level". The world is much bigger than that.

Whenever I'm out in the open, walking beside tall buildings, I also have the compulsion to look up at the windows above. I often wonder if people are watching. I often wonder if there are people like me who like to look down. Maybe I have a god complex. I don't know. But looking down from above kinda sets things in perspective in an almost religious sense.

The Laws of Herman : A guide for the perplexed graduate student doing research

This is something Dr. Saloma read to us during Physics 290. I thought it was an appropriate post given the deadlines looming over everyone's heads. I also enjoyed it very much.

Taken from Following the Law by Irving Herman, which is posted at naturejobs.com.

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Your vacation begins after you defend your thesis.

2. In research, what matters is what is right, and not who is right.

3. In research and other matters, your adviser is always right, most of the time.

4. Act as if your adviser is always right, almost all the time.

5. If you think you are right and you are able to convince your adviser, your adviser will be very happy.

6. Your productivity varies as (effective productive time spent per day)^1,000.

7. Your productivity also varies as 1/(your delay in analyzing acquired data)^1,000.

8. Take data today as if you know that your equipment will break tomorrow.

9. If you would be unhappy to lose your data, make a permanent back-up copy of them within five minutes of acquiring them.

10. Your adviser expects your productivity to be low initially and then to be above threshold after a year or so.

11. You must become a bigger expert in your thesis area than your adviser.

12. When you cooperate, your adviser's blood pressure will go down a bit.

13. When you don't cooperate, your adviser's blood pressure either goes up a bit or it goes down to zero.

14. Usually, only when you can publish your results are they good enough to be part of your thesis.

15. The higher the quality, first, and quantity, second, of your publishable work, the better your thesis.

16. Remember, it's your thesis. You (!) need to do it.

17. Your adviser wants you to become famous, so that he/she can finally become famous.

18. Your adviser wants to write the best letter of recommendation for you that is possible.

19. Whatever is best for you is best for your adviser.

20. Whatever is best for your adviser is best for you.

Re: 99 Things Girls Should Know about Guys (Part 2)

At the behest of Sir Kiko, I Googled "signs" and "what girls should know" and this was one of the lists that came up. One damn long list.

Grabbed from God, Gold, Glory

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6. Guys may be flirting around all day but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about.

Around the time we got together, I asked Ivan how he knew he loved me. He said something like this: "Because you're the first person I think about when I wake up and the last person I think about before I fall asleep." I'm sure, though, I haven't been the last thing on Ivan's mind before he goes to sleep for at least a while now. He's been thinking about his thesis (at least, I hope he is). That's what's most important to him at the moment, and I don't really mind.

It's funny, really, how the things most important to us at the moment are apparent in the thoughts that first enter our heads at the start of the day and the thoughts that preoccupy our minds during our last waking moments. It doesn't matter what filled our days, but the things that really most concern us are evident at that bridge between consciousness and unconsciousness. So, male or female, if we're at that stage in life that romance is most important to us, then this is probably true.

7. When a guy really likes you, he'll disregard all your bad characteristics.

I like the Disney channel, I like classical music, know nothing about pop culture, and am constantly tripping over my own feet. Ivan, dearest to my heart, has had to put up with these things and then some for over seven years. Do you really think he disregards them? No, he doesn't. If you truly love a person, you help them better themselves. Love is not blind, it sees quite clearly. But love doesn't see faults or shortcomings, it sees the room for improvement that could make things even better.

8. Guys go crazy over a girl's smile.

I know two guys who were once gaga over this girl, so long as she didn't smile. "Pangit ngipin niya e," one of them explained when I asked.

Seriously, guy or girl, your smile is always your best face.

9. Guys will do anything just to get the girl's attention.

A few days ago, Sir Kiko and I were talking and I mentioned some of the things guys did for me to get my attention. I was in high school when a guy first tried to get my attention (or, rather, affection). He put me on a three-way conference call with one of his friends who "opened up" the topic. Then, he told me in a shy awkward way that he had a crush on me. I don't mind things like that. Crushes are quaint things that make you feel good with little consequence. Now, the more...uhm...fervent ones had more devastating results. One guy called me every night so he could hear my voice. The same guy followed me around singing "I'll Be" (which is why I learned to hate that song). This other guy kissed my hand and asked if he could "keep me" (Casper, is that you?). Cake-guy gave me pastries then sent a friend to get my celphone number so he could get "acquainted" with me over text. But the one who succeeded did it oh-so-simply. He walked up to me and said 'hi'.
Sir Kiko pointed out something that I realized was true. On another girl, the tactics that failed on me would have worked. The main problem here is that I'm not romantic. I'm painfully cerebral so you have to be able to pique my brain in order to be able to pick me up. Tip: You don't have to resort to extreme and ridiculous acts. Approach the girl, find out what makes her tick. THEN ask her out. The problem is, while guys would probably do "almost anything" to get a girl's attention, they don't do what are, to me, the best things to do: be yourself and be upfront.

10. Guys hate it when you talk about your ex-boyfriend.

Interesting thing about this is that while guys don't like hearing about the other guys in their lady's life, girls are often interested in their lover's past loves. I think I'll explore this topic more in a different post. LOL.

Re: 99 Things Girls Should Know about Guys (Part 1)

At the behest of Sir Kiko, I Googled "signs" and "what girls should know" and this was one of the lists that came up. One damn long list.

Grabbed from God, Gold, Glory

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I just felt like reacting to them. There are 99, so I plan on doing these in batches of 5s or 4s. I'm a girl, so my reactions are just opinions and not facts, and yes, this is a disclaimer.

1. Guys don't actually look after good-looking girls. They prefer neat and presentable girls.

Ivan once told me, "There is no such thing as an ugly girl, but there are lazy ones." And, I actually agree. Let's face facts, with the right accessories, clothes, and cosmetics, any member of the fairer sex can become attractive. I don't think there's an actual preference for neat and presentable girls, a hot sexy mama is a hot sexy mama even when she's covered in mud (hence the percentage of the male population so into mud wrestling). But if you're not blessed to be one of the gorgeous clones of Hollywood A-listers, good grooming always helps you in the race for a partner, regardless of gender.

And remember, according to some scientific studies, the sense of smell is the one most linked to emotion. It's also one of the first indicators of genetic compatibility. So if you can't make yourself look good, at least try to smell good.

(I think I should take my own advice. LOL)

2. Guys hate flirts.

I don't think guys actually hate flirts. I think they hate it when someone they find unattractive flirts with them. No one wants to be stuck with the girl in Silvertoes. But, if the girl who flirts with him is a hottie, I don't think he would mind the ego boost.

The problem with flirting is that we have different definitions of it. For me, flirting is a form of intellectual foreplay, some people think those who are being kind and generous are flirting. (Gods, yes! A person can be nice without ulterior motives. Jeez! Grow up from your Neanderthal-selves, people! We're not just about sex anymore.) It can be extremely frustrating when you realize that the person you thought was into you isn't into you at all. So, I think the key here is consistency and not sending mixed signals. And bear in mind that flirting does not require commitment. Some guys are annoyed by girls who flirt with them but have no plans of hooking up with them. But, dudes, it happens. Flirting is an ego boost for the ladies, too.

Come on. Turnabout is fair play.

3. A guy can like you for a minute, and then forget you afterward.

I think this depends on the guy and your definition of "like". I think, on this matter, guys are wired a little differently than girls. A guy who sees a fairly attractive girl, and there are a lot of those in their collective minds, would most probably like her the moment he sees her. But, even if he finds the girl attractive, that doesn't mean he wants a relationship, right? Maybe he wants sexy time or maybe even just eye candy, but he's not exactly looking for a wife, yet.

This is kinda different from many girls who get crushes that last for years on end. I'm not sure, but I think some guy-crushes can last for, like, five seconds. Enough time for the girl to exit his line of vision.

4. When a guy says he doesn't understand you, it simply means you're not thinking the way he is.

And when a girl says she doesn't understand you, it means the same thing. Life wouldn't be half as interesting if men and women completely understood each other, so let's just enjoy the confusion.

5. "Are you doing something?" or "Have you eaten already?" are the first usual questions a guy asks on the phone just to get out from stammering.

Concern does not always equate to "at a loss for words". I think this is one of those entries in this list that is more "99 things girls should know about me ('me' being the author of the list)" than "99 things girls should know about guys". It's true, though, that small talk is often used when you're not sure of what you can talk about, but these questions (and a few others like "How was your day?" and "How are you?") are sometimes asked as forms of common courtesy or actual interest.

Here's a tip: don't call a girl if you can't think of anything to talk about. Don't expect her to carry the conversation, that's just annoying.

The Melancholy of Ma'am Kristine: Login-logout

Government is notorious for creating red tape. Being someone who works for two government agencies, I wasn't expecting to escape these unnecessary burdens. But really, my dear PLP administration, this takes the cake.

A memo was released that faculty members not only have to time in at the bundy clock, we also have to log in at the faculty room. And, it doesn't end there, the class officers of the class we're attending will also take note of the time we arrived.

Why?

Because, apparently, some teachers would time in at PLP, then leave the campus to teach at other schools. Now, I don't really mind this. Also, there are rumors about some teachers who ask co-teachers to time in for them. Being the person who does neither, I'm not really bothered by this minor inconvenience, but in my humble opinion, I think it's incredibly pointless and impractical. Now, if I'm just being stubborn or difficult, you're free to correct my opinions.

1. If these people had the gall to cheat the bundy clock, then they would have the gall to cheat the logs. If there's a will, there's a way. Increasing the number of steps only increases the number of steps to violate. Red tape does not create discipline. You're just making it more difficult for those who aren't even cheating. It's easy to ask someone to sign in for you just as it's easy to ask someone to time in for you. And, we're teachers, for crying out loud! If we wanted to cheat the log the students have, we could easily threaten them with our authority. You're just giving the students unnecessary grief. Which takes me to point two.

2. This is a problem of the faculty and administration, not the students. Don't get the kids involved. It will just create new possibilities for conflict between teachers and their students. Either side could abuse the log. A student with a grudge can mark their teacher late. A teacher could easily force a student to mark him or her to be on time.

3. The processing of salaries are slow enough as it is. The logs just create more confusion in the calculation of the salaries. More confusion means slower processing. Remember how we didn't get our salary for November until late January? Prepare to wait even longer if this takes effect.

I can think of more reasons to protest this, most of which come from how it was implemented, how little (read: no) consultation was done and how poorly information was disseminated, but I'll keep it to these three. Personally, I don't think the problem can be solved this way. I think this is more a problem of poor relations between the administration and the faculty. Also, this is a problem of politics and status quo. A person who is aware of cheating cannot tell on his or her co-teachers because of fear of being treated like a traitor. There is no incentive for honest, as well. The administration, instead of sanctioning the majority for the sins of the few, should provide incentives for consistency in performance, instead. This just creates resentment.

And, really, do we need even more of that, right now?

The Makahiya

The flower of the Mimosa pudica is a lovely spray of color on an infinite expanse of grass. Its bright color stands out prettily against the verdant hues of the surrounding natural carpet. But when you place the Makahiya amongst flowers like calla lilies, roses, and sunflowers, it becomes a weed. Small, fragile, and muted in color, while it does not cease to be a thing of beauty, it suddenly becomes plain and ordinary.

The Melancholy of Ma'am Kristine: Mystery Cake

Today is Amb. Tirona's birthday. The PLP full-time faculty held a program so full-timers' classes were cancelled. Part-timers were supposed to hold classes as usual, but my students didn't come to class, so I joined the other part-timers whose students were MIA. We were invited to eat so we lined up for the buffet. But, since the affair was for full-timers, there weren't any seats for us, so we headed back to the faculty room. When we came back down to return the plates to the caterers, Ma'am Auit decided to watch the slide show made for Amba so Sir Ryan and I watched with her.

Moment 1: Open mouth, insert foot

Me (about the flattering acrosstic poem flashed on the screen): Hala ka. Totoo ba yan?
Sir Ryan: Para kay Amba. Patapos na yan.
Me (moves hands, as if forming a ball): Bola.
Lady beside us: Ang hirap humanap ng pictures. Akala ko hindi ko magagawa.

The lady beside us turned out to be Amba's daughter. Great. Open mouth, insert foot.

Moment 2: Mystery Cake

As we stood there, three female HM students approached me with a cake.

Girl 1: Ma'am, pinabibigay po ni Chef Luces(?).
Girl 2 (elbowing girl 1): Ssst.
Girl 1: Sabi niya, sabihin galing kay Chef Luces(?) eh.
Me: Sakin to?
Girl 3: Opo.
Me: Ano to? Bibigay ko kay Amba?
Girl 1: Hindi, ma'am! Sayo yan.
Me: Ah... okay. Just checking. Thank you.

I was too confused. Didn't really know how to react. I think I should be flattered, but really.... o_o

It's good cake, though. ;-D

Holidays for 2009

PGMA has listed the official holidays of 2009 in proclamation 1699.

6 April - Araw ng Kagitingan instead of April 9
9 April - Maundy Thursday
10 Apr - Good Friday
1 May - Labor Day
12 June - Independence Day
21 August - Ninoy Aquino Day
31 August - National Heroes’ Day
21 September - Eid’l Fitr (exact date my change)
1 November - All Saints’ Day
2 November - All Soul’s Day
30 November - Bonifacio Day
24 December - Christmas Eve
25 December - Christmas Day
30 December - Rizal Day
31 December - New Year’s Eve

Mark your calendars, then. Hope you guys find this information useful. Nothin about the commemoration of the first EDSA revolution (24/25 February), but that doesn't mean she can't declare it as a holiday at the last minute. Chances are she will, anyway.

Relieved: Comments on the Feast of the Black Nazarene

It has always been difficult for me, someone who a priest has called an "inquiring faithful", to understand many of the rituals and traditions of Philippine Catholicism. Don't get me wrong, whenever I recite the Apostles' Creed, I mean it. It's just that, sometimes, the human aspect of the Catholic Church is not easy to "believe in". Because I often find the actions of many "devout Catholics" to be utterly pointless and adverse to the Christian faith, it's not easy for me to defend the faith when questioned. Many people, myself included, are not good representatives of the Catholic Church.

This Sunday, I felt vindicated when a priest echoed my thoughts in his sermon. Fr. Nolan criticized the devotees of the Black Nazarene in this way. "Mag-tsinelas nga kayo. Baka matusok yang mga paa ninyo. Tingin niyo ba gusto ng Nazareno na magkasugat-sugat yang mga paa ninyo?" Fr. Nolan further told us that when you ask most devotees why they do what they do on the feast day of the Nazareno, they reply "Para matupad ang mga kahilingan namin." I think the priest's internal retort "Ano to, gamitan?" was most appropriate.

It is traditions, no, mentalities like this that make non-Catholic Christians shake their heads at us, marking us as unbelievers who have a very superficial relationship with God.

We tend to treat God like a vending machine. Insert good deed. Select wish. Take wish from compartment below. And when we don't get what we want we become resentful. We smack the machine. We curse at it. We swear never to use it again. This way of thinking assumes that when we do the things good Christians should do, God owes us something. But, how can that be when all the things we have and do are gifts from God? See the disconnect?

The feast of the Black Nazarene is a beautiful example of how Catholicism is still very much alive in the Philippines and how many Catholics are not merely nominal, but are devout. At the same time, to me, it is also a poignant picture of misleading tradition and skewed reasoning.

Nerdness and Coffee and Combining the Two

The members of the consultancy firm my mom is part of, Brain Trust Inc., was having a roundtable discussion when the topic of coffee was brought up. One of my mom's epicurian friends said that officials of Cafe Puro told him the secret of preparing the best cup of instant coffee.

Step 1. Heat the water to boiling.
Step 2. Put two teaspoons of coffee in a mug.
Step 3. Pour a small amount of water INTO the coffee and not the other way around. Add sugar (if you wish) and mix into a slurry.
Step 4. Add the rest of the hot water.
Step 5. Add milk or creamer.
Step 6. Add other flavorings (cinnamon, choco powder, etc.)

By this time I was already aware of this process. I even wrote a vignette describing the preparation of the "ideal cup". What struck me was the question "Why does it taste better if you put the water into the coffee?"

On the trip back, my mind was mulling over possible theories and here is the most sensible one:

From what I know, instant coffee does not dissolve, per se. Parts of the coffee are "leached", meaning a chemical reaction occurs between the coffee grains and the water. So, instant coffee is actually the product of the leaching process PLUS the inert parts of the coffee that were dissolved by the hot water. If I understand this correctly, these dissolved parts are not desirable. If we put the coffee into the water, the rate of dissolution competes with the leaching process. The full flavor of the coffee is therefore not realized. On the other hand, if there is a lot of coffee and a little water, I imagine that, somehow, dissolution is minimized while leaching is maximized, thus making a better cup of coffee.

So there. x_x Yes. I'm thinking too much about this. Going back to PIC model and shape factors now...

TRIVIA: The volatile parts of your coffee are continuously lost to the atmosphere. Coffee beans lose these flavorful oils at a lower rate simply because coffee beans have a lower surface area than coffee ground of the same mass. Therefore, when buying coffee, it is good to check the date when the coffee beans were packed. Also, it is not advised to have your coffee beans ground if you don't plan on drinking it within the day.

It kinda started like this...

"Baka stress lang yan. Magpahinga ka."

The doctor said this as she read my EKG which, apparently, was normal. As I rolled down my green tennis dress, I couldn't help but think that what she said made sense. I had every right to be stressed out. I had little sleep the night prior as I was cramming for my Komunikasyon term paper and I had a workout that was far more rigorous than what my normally lethargic body was used to. But, I knew that those were not the reasons for the twinge in my chest that sent me staggering to the infirmary. There were two things that were weighing even more heavily than my "Babae lang ba ang nagme-make up?" term paper: the discovery that my burgeoning friendship with Chenn was ruined and a confession that I didn't know how to react to.

As I stood from the examination table, the doctor addressed me a second time. "Huwag ka muna maglalalakad magisa. Bumalik ka kapag sumakit ulit."

I nodded and thanked her and wondered who I would call to accompany me.

Ivan sounded worried over the phone. He and Rene arrived even before I finished returning my record to that surly old lady at the Records Section and paying for my EKG. When I saw them, they looked even more worried than Ivan had sounded and I commented that they looked like expectant fathers. Rene was the one who first spoke to me, asking how I was. I explained what happened and apologized for calling them over from the Math Building. Ivan hung around, not saying anything. When we got out of the Infirmary, Ivan hailed a cab to take us to the Math Building for Math 53. Ivan took the front seat, leaving the back seat to Rene and me.

"Tumakbo si Ivan."

"Huh?" I blinked, confused by the supposedly stunning revelation of Rene's. He was smiling, amused.

"Hindi tumatakbo si Ivan. Tumakbo siya para sayo."

I think I blushed a bit. I can't really tell. It was at that moment that I realized that I really shouldn't be stressing out. Things would fall into place, eventually.

Later that afternoon, after a long lunch with Teds, at around 4PM, right after Ivan's Physics 101.1 class. I was feeling much better. I had made a decision to deal with one of the two things that were bothering me.

I approached Ivan and pulled him aside. "About last night's message," I began as I stared at his hands picking on the peeling white paint of the ledge separating Pav 4 from the rest of AS...

...and the rest is history, I suppose. Seven years after that extended moment is today (or, rather, yesterday, considering the time). I'm not as eloquent as Ivan when it comes expressing himself. I'm not concise and witty like he is. But I like telling this story because the more I tell it, the more I'm assured that I will never forget why I am in this position and why I am not regretting it.

Thanks for seven years, Ivan.

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I also updated Cliched and Corny, but not with my own works. Do check it out.

PdLR's Thought for the Day

"Never forget: There is nothing that human hands are capable of that is below you; and there is nothing that the human mind can conceive that is beyond you."

I put this at the end of my students' midterm exam. =p

The Melancholy of Ma'am Kristine: PLP Ghost Stories

Because of my URA appointment, I requested that my teaching schedule be changed. This is how my 6PM to 9PM teaching schedule came to be. And because I feel sorry for my students, I dismiss them as early as possible. This is how my predicament of being constantly left alone in the faculty room came to be.

There is a saying that describes what my co-teachers do whenever they leave me for the night. "Misery loves company", I believe. A lot of my co-teachers dislike being left alone in the faculty room at night for fear that they may become the main character of the latest school ghost story. Before leaving, it almost never fails that a co-teacher would say tell me that "Ay nako, ma'am. Marami talagang multo dito" before narrating his or her encounter with the school's sometimes visible inhabitants.

It's well past Halloween, but I thought it would be fun to tell some of the stories here.

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From Sir Filipino Teacher
Second Floor Restroom

Shortly after their department head's untimely demise, he went to the second floor girls' restroom to call the janitress assigned to the floor to tell her to clean the department head's room. Because he was male, he could not enter the restroom, and instead called out to the only person he saw inside. No matter how many times he called out to her, the girl in the restroom would not move. He eventually gave up turned to leave only to find the janitress coming up the stairs. Surprised that he had been calling out to the wrong person, he looked back inside the restroom to find it empty.

Sixth Floor

It was late afternoon when he left his students who were practicing their Sabayang Pagbigkas presentation at the sixth floor. On his way back up to check on them, he was met by a number of hysterical students from that class. One of their classmates had fainted because while they were practicing, they saw a group of children watching them and copying all of their movements.

Education Faculty Room Restroom

He says that one of his co-teachers saw a white lady in the faculty restroom.

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Ma'am Dean
Fourth Floor Senior Faculty Room

This teacher and her student assistant were alone in the faculty room when suddenly the printer began printing a document on its own.

Fifth Floor

She was walking down the hallway when she felt a sudden weight on her back and heard a child laughing at her ear.

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Sir Natural Science Teacher

Fourth Floor Faculty Room

It was Saturday and he was closing up the faculty room when suddenly he heard someone whispering in his ear.

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Sir Part-Time Filipino Teacher

Third Floor

He was on his way home after a late class when suddenly a door slammed shut when there was no wind and no one was there. He ran down the stairs as fast as he could.

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Sir PE Teacher
Old PE Department Faculty Room

Shortly after the untimely demise of one of their colleagues, the members of the PE department were stuck in the faculty room waiting for the rain to let up. While they were doing their business, they heard someone calling out to their companion, "Sir B---! Sir B---!" When Sir B-- went out to see who it was, there was no one there.

Fourth Floor Faculty Room Hallway

On his way home, after locking up the faculty room, he noticed that no matter how much he walked he couldn't reach the end of the short hallway between the faculty room door and the fourth floor stairway landing.

Sixth Floor Classroom

In the middle of his class, his students suddenly ran to the front of the room, frightened. When he asked his students why, they told him "Sir, hindi niyo ba naririnig yung mga batang umiiyak? Ang lakas." He told them to return to their seats, but they were too afraid to do so and he spent the rest of the class with his students seated at his feet.
His students and dance troupe members also tell him that they always see children running around the sixth floor, as if in play. The children run and hide whenever they hear him coming. He jokingly claims that the ghostly children are afraid of his loud voice.

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Urban Legends
Mango Tree

It's a true story that a girl asked her boyfriend to climb up the school's mango tree to pick some mangoes. The boy fell off the tree and died. Some claim that they see the boy sitting on the mango tree at night. Also, the mango tree doesn't bear much fruit nowadays when it used to bear lots of fruit in the past.

The child in red

A child wearing red is seen in various parts of the school at the oddest times.

Spirit Parade

A couple that used to work as maintenance crew claim that they sometimes see ghostly figures around the school grounds. The ghostly figures enter the school and climb up to the higher floors in the wee hours of the morning.

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Personally, I've never seen any of these spirits. I have to admit, I fear being left alone, but I don't really have much of a choice. That's life. Thankfully, so far, prayer has kept me safe. And, if I end up meeting one of these ghosts, maybe my prayers can save them, as well.

Out of the fullness of the heart...

There are words which we speak that we often wish we could take back. In one night, I spoke a thousand words I wish I had not spoken. Granted, the people who heard me were trusted and close, it was still unbecoming to speak that way.

It is always inexcusable to speak ill of one's relatives.

While I have my reasons, I cannot justify my words. Still, the frustration caused the words to spill, unbidden, unrestrained. Only minutes after they were completely and fully expressed did I feel the greatest of regrets and the burden of guilt. But, what has been said cannot be taken back.

Out of the fullness of the heart, the mouth speaks.

Mixed Feelings?

The images in the news should have been poignant. Smoke poured out of the second floor faculty wing of Philippine Science High School, Diliman. Fire fighters were storming the halls of my alma mater. Flames could be seen flickering through windows I once gazed out of.

And yet, there was nothing.

Five Tickets

Give yourself five tickets to be foolish, but you should use them wisely.

It's quite interesting how we constantly use the excuse that we're only human, when we rarely forgive ourselves for being human.

Love and sex are two aspects of our lives where we are most human. When we love, when we need love, when we want lovin', these are the times when we seem incapable of thinking straight. These are the times when we cannot seem to control our urges. We find ourselves seeing more, hearing more, feeling more. And, even when our minds tell us to do otherwise, we can't seem to find the willpower to do what our minds tell us. Then, we get burned. Then we chastise ourselves for being stupid. We hate ourselves because we already knew what was going to happen. We punish ourselves with insecurity and guilt.

I knew...

I knew that sitting at the lobby of that hotel room was not only wrong, it would lead to pain and heartache. It took me a year to come to terms with that. It took me even longer to let go of the feelings that formed that night. It wasn't that I held hope that it could happen, because it was not something I wanted to happen. It was because I could not forgive myself for what happened, what I allowed myself to feel.

My beloved, do not make the same mistake. We are logical people. We are allowed to make mistakes because we are not perfect. It is not that one mistake that ruins lives, it is living in the shadow of that mistake that brings us to ruin.

Trying to tell me something, CareerPath.com?

I don't know what to say.... really, I don't.

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  CREATOR WORKPLACES
  Consider workplaces where you can create and improve beauty and aesthetic qualities. Unstructured, flexible organizations that allow self-expression work best with your free-spirited nature.

  Suggested Creator workplaces are advertising, public relations, and interior decorating firms; artistic studios, theaters and concert halls; institutions that teach crafts, universities, music, and dance schools. Other workplaces to consider are art institutes, museums, libraries, and galleries.

• 2nd Best Occupational Category

  You're an ORGANIZER

  Key Words:

  Self-Control, Practical, Self-Contained, Orderly, Systematic, Precise, and Accurate These conservative appearing, plotting-types enjoy organizing, data systems, accounting, detail, and accuracy. They often enjoy mathematics and data management activities such as accounting and investment management. Persistence and patience allows them to do detailed paperwork, operate office machines, write business reports, and make charts and graphs.

Dr. Banzon in the hospital

From Dr. Villagonzalo's email to SanD

"Dr. Banzon is confined at the Marikina Valley Medical Center, Room 6011 (9am to 10pm visiting hours)."

Ah... I don't even know where that is! From what I heard he's already lost a lot of weight, and now he's back on the sick bed again. It's a bit more worrying than usual.

The Melancholy of Ma'am Kristine: Midterm Angst

For the midterm results, a mode of 9/40 says a lot.

It says a lot about your abilty to teach.

It says a lot about your expectations.

It says a lot about your need to change some things.

Quite frankly, I don't want to find out what it says, but the numbers are screaming at me in this piercing manner that I can't ignore. Perhaps, it's for the best that I take that GA job.

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Apparently, there's such a thing as 'too nice', especially if you're a teacher.

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I'm sure they don't find Physics interesting, but they will be interested in it. Their college lives depend on it.

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I find it painfully sad that I knew who was going to pass that exam without even giving it. No pleasant surprises there.

PdLR's Thought for the Day

Life is complicated. If you want it simple, you may be better off dead.